Paestum

I admit it. I am really bad at documenting the cool things we've been able to see while living it Italy. I feel like the last 3 months have been a turning point for me. I think its a combination of learning Italian and being here long enough that Italy is my new normal. Its not scary or overwhelming anymore. So, naturally, we are getting out there to explore a little bit more. I would like to travel more than we do, but life has its way of taking over. We have church activities, soccer tournaments, birthday parties and sometimes we just want a Saturday at home.  But we are finding our middle ground and slowly, we are getting out there.
Now, if I was a good blogger, I'd go back and blog about all the things we've done, but that's too overwhelming. So I'm starting with this field trip we went on May 18-20th.
 Kate and Clark have been studying ancient Greece all year,  and the third grade took a 3 day trip to an old Grecian city, Paestum , about 3 hours south of Rome. Lucky for me, they opened up the field trip for parents too. In all honesty, I wasn't thrilled about sending my 9 year old twins on a 3 day field trip without either Ryan or I with them.  We don't even do spend the nights with friends, so spending the night in a hotel room with 2 other kids their age, had me worried. Ryan and I wanted them to have the opportunity to go, so we decided that I would go with them.  ( Ryan even agreed to take time off work to be with Charly and JR)
I was pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed the trip! The teachers were amazing. They had the kids on task and entertained the whole time. The social studies teacher had been taking 3rd graders on this trip for over 25 years, so she had everything down to a science. So I was able to just tag along and see all cool things there.


Day 1:
4 hours on a bus. But then we got to step off the bus and see these amazing Greek temples.

Clark with some of his friends (Carl, Giacamo, Guilian, Clark, Alon, Francesco)

Me trying to be artistic with my camera. PS poppy's grow wild everywhere in Italy

This olive tree is enormous. It is said to be thousands of years old. 

All of the kids in 3rd Grade

Token Instagram picture

Day 2: We went to another ancient Grecian city, Veila.  The ruins in this city date back to 500 BC.

Clark and his best friend Alon

This archway is famous because of its 'double archway" construction.  Greeks were the leaders in engineering and building

All the kids had journals and we would stop and the kids would sketch the ancient ruins

Kate and one of her besties - Gabrielle

Amphitheater

Beautiful view of the coast from behind the ancient temples

Every evening before dinner the kids got to go play at the beach by our hotel. The teachers were genius and didn't let them touch the water, but no matter- they loved it all the same.

The second night we went back to the temples to see them lit up and get a late night gelato

Day 3: We visited the Paestum museum to see all the artifacts that have been found in the ancient city. 

I was amazed at how well preserved all the artifacts were

 More sketching....

 Similar to the Egyptians, the Greeks believed in the afterlife and decorated the inside of the tombs. These pictures are the insides of their box like tombs. Many of the well preserved artifacts were found inside the tombs.                                      

Alon, Clark and Lucca

Last but not least we visited a buffalo farm. In Italy, the famous mozzarella cheese is made from the milk of these buffalos.  And yes, it is that good.

Kate with Gabrielle and Keun

Fresh mozzarella. Yes, I bought some. Yes, it was amazing. 

This was the cheese counter with all the different kinds of cheese the farm sold. Cheese is kinda a big deal in Italy. 

Piano, Piano

Literal Translation : level by level

Meaning: little by little, slowly

I love this phrase, and I hate it at the same time. I hear it frequently in my conversations with Italians. Especially when I get frustrated because I cannot say what I want to say.   Most days I feel like I'm speaking Italian like a caveman. But, it is their way of giving encouragement, "don't worry, you will learn Italian, it will come -  little by little". If I had a euro for every time someone said "piano, piano" to me- I'd be rich.

When the new year rolled around and Ryan and I talked about our goals for the year, speaking Italian fluently was on the top of both of our lists. I had been looking for a tutor off and on for a month, but nothing seemed to fit. I met with one tutor, and she was great, I just had to meet her in downtown Rome. Which may not seem like much, but it is. 30 minutes driving to a parking garage, 5 minute walk to the meeting place, 1 hour lesson, back to the car, pick up JR from a babysitter and back home. It took all day for a one hour lesson.
One night I was talking to Ryan about some other tutors I had been referred to, and he says to me, "why don't we just use Giuseppe?" Giuseppe works on the temple job site as a translator and also teaches english at a university in Rome.
I, of course, said 'heck yeah!" (and why didn't you mention this earlier? - but thats besides the point). The next week Giuseppe started coming to our house on Tuesday and Thursday nights from 7-9pm.
You might think- isn't 7-9pm a little bit busy with four young kids? Well, I'm glad you noticed, because yes- somedays it's a real struggle. It took us a few weeks to figure out our groove, but we've pretty much got it figured out.
I make a very simple dinner and we eat around 6:30pm (yes that is early for Italian standard time) If Ryan gets home at a decent time, he gives Charly and JR a bath before dinner. If he doesn't get home early, then they get a quick wash down and underwear change from me.

We eat and when Giuseppe shows up at 7, Ryan puts the littles to bed, Kate and Clark clean up dinner and do the dishes (they're pretty awesome) and I practice talking like a caveman with Giuseppe.
I do have to give a little shout out to Ryan right here. He knows that I get very little practice speaking Italian during the day - and he speaks it all day long - so he willingly gives me that first 30-45 minutes with Giuseppe to practice.

Now for my own sake of remembrance, I want to talk about our very first lesson.  I was deathly terrified of having to speak Italian for 2 hours straight. I had been studying Rosetta Stone off and on, and using some books to help with vocabulary, but most of my interactions in Italian were mostly one word answers to questions. Giuseppe was very kind and spoke very slowly in Italian and some English too. We did VERY basic stuff, I can't even remember what it was, but I had already learned it ages ago. But when Giuseppe asked me a question and I had to give a complete sentence as an answer I almost cried. In fact, as soon as Giuseppe left that night I broke down and cried like a baby. It was overwhelming. It was terrifying. It was hard. It was uncomfortable. I know I am not a stupid person, but man, I felt like the stupidest person in the world. And I'm a woman, and that is how we process change - we cry. But after I cried it all out, I was ready to pick myself up and try again.

So here we are three months later. In three short months, I have experienced, what Ryan and I call, the rise and fall of the learning curve. One day I will understand most everything in Italian, the next, I can't even respond to the cashier at the grocery store when she asks me a basic question. One day I feel confident in my ability to speak and understand, the next I feel like a complete idiot and like we are wasting our money on me, because I will never figure it out.

One way I gauge my progress is at church. At the beginning of the year when we made our goal to become fluent, we decided it was time to quit using translation at church.  For the first few weeks I got just about nothing out of church. I picked up words here and there, but not meaning, not context. Then I started to figure out the Gospel vocabulary. Once I learned those words, church became a lot easier to understand. I already know the principles of the Gospel, so once I knew the topic they were talking about, it became really easy to pick up on the rest. Now I understand about 90% of church, I have started making comments in classes and have even bore my testimony in Italian. (very basic, 2 minute testimony)

I also accepted the call to be the 2nd counselor in the Relief Society presidency. ( Relief Society is our churchs' organization for the women) Which I believe is Gods way of providing me an opportunity to learn Italian.  I mean, if I have to learn this language to serve Him better, then He's going to help me, right?  This has given me the opportunity to get to know the women in my ward, and has forced me to speak in Italian. Just last week the president asked me to take a woman (I didn't really know) with me to visit an elderly woman in the hospital. All in Italian. I was terrified, but I did it.

Everyday I try to spend at least 30 minutes, ideally an hour, studying Italian. Giuseppe leaves me with homework assignments, and I have one to complete every day. He also gave me the assignment to read "The Little Prince" in Italian.  So really, it's like I've gone back to school. I applaud you women who go back to school after having kids. It's hard. And I'm not worrying about passing a class or getting a good grade. If I don't have time for my homework, no problem, I can just do it the next day. I just know that the more time I put into it, the faster I will learn.

I have also learned a life lesson through this whole experience. That there is a real difference between knowing and doing. I can read Italian on a paper and understand perfectly, or listen to someone speak and understand what they are saying, but speaking it myself is something totally different. We can know something, but the real learning and understanding comes when we actually do what we know. When I use a word or phrase in a conversation, that is the time when I actually learn it, no matter how many times I've reviewed it on a flash card or written it down on a homework assignment. Knowing comes from doing.

As I look back over the last few months, I can see how far I've come, but I also see how much further I have to go. It's fun to think that a year ago I didn't know a word of Italian and now I can understand and do basic communication in Italian. And at the same time I want to learn so much more. I really want to speak fluently by the end of this year. I guess the only way I'll get there is a little at a time.

Giuseppe has become a part of our family- a few weeks ago was his birthday and we celebrated when he came over for our lesson. 

I'm not gonna lie, I was pretty proud of myself for getting an 'A' on my test!

Well, We Tried

Yes, I realize it has been 2 months since we have been back in Italy and I haven't posted anything. I've felt guilt for not writing anything- but also felt like I didn't have much to write about. I'll be honest. Coming back was hard. This time it was an emotional adjustment, not a physical adjustment. It was easy to get the kids back in school, get the house back in working order and transition back into the normal day to day routine. I don't want to dwell on the negative, but I felt very alone. I didn't have my normal support system, and it kinda felt like we were out of sight, out of mind, and everyone at home forgot about us. (I know you didn't forget about us- its just how you feel when you're alone and far away)

But that is not what I want to write about today.

We've known for along time that Ryan would have about 2 weeks off around the holidays and wanted to take advantage of his time off. With the craziness of the holidays, we never got around to planning anything. We knew that we couldn't do anything extravagant- just because we have four kids. And trying to do anything with four kids can be a nightmare. Over the last two months we have learned that going to a park is about the extent of our sight seeing in Rome, and even that can prove difficult. One Saturday we tried to drive into Rome to a nice park called Tor Di Quinto. It is close to the big soccer stadium, and after we got stuck in traffic for 30 minutes, realized there was a game that day and cops were directing traffic away- and we couldn't even get to the park. So after an hour in the car, we stopped for gelato, went home and played in the backyard instead.

I've wanted to get out an explore Italy, and have put pressure on myself to do it. I just keep thinking, " We are only here for a short time and we need to go and do and experience it!". I got to see a lot of things on my 'Italy bucket list' this summer, but I still have some things that I would really like to do and see while we're here. I have come to realize that I am not going to be able to go and do everything, but a few things is reasonable, right?

So after the Christmas dust settled, we decided to just take a little trip to Lucca. It's a fairly small city, and not very touristy- so I thought that would be a good place to start. We decided to stay two nights and stop by Pisa on the way home.
I did a little research in my tourist books and Ryan started looking for accommodations. Hotels are hard because we have to get 2 adjoining rooms and that gets pricy. So we went the VRBO route. Found a cute house out of town - where the owner lives full time and rents out part of the house that has been turned into an apartment. We thought that would be great- out in real Tuscany , be in an apartment so we could all be together and then drive into Lucca.

Tuesday morning we packed up our little car with some snacks and a few backpacks and were on our way. We got to the VRBO about 2pm. We unpacked our stuff, went for a walk in the countryside and then decided to go get some food. We really didn't eat lunch in the car, so by 4pm everyone was getting hungry. Problem is, this is Italy and its is a real thing that everything closes from 1-4pm and dinner doesn't start until 8pm. We went to a little town and the little deli there didn't serve pizza until 6pm. I looked at trip advisor and found a pizza shop in Lucca that was open. We drove down there, found somewhere to park and walked to the pizza place. Life is good. Kids wolf down some pizza, everyone is full and happy and we head home.



Wednesday is where the lightbulb goes off in my head that this is not the glamorous European excursion I had built up in my mind.

Our host offered a homemade breakfast for $7 a person. I thought that was a bit pricey for my kids who eat a bowl of cereal (which I brought with us) but Ryan was trying to make it easy for me and bought the breakfast. After toast and yogurt, that $7 times 6 people starts to weigh on my mind. We just paid how much for that?! Then in my mind and I start adding up all the money this little excursion is starting to cost.

On to Lucca. It is a super cool city that is totally surrounded by a wall that was built in the 1500's. The wall is still completely intact and the city itself was never destroyed by war because of the wall. We rented bikes and rode all along the top
of the wall.






After an hour on the bikes, we stop at a park for a few minutes and decide to get lunch. We wanted something other than pizza so we find the most reasonably priced restaurant close by. After struggling to keep 4 kids contained and well behaved, we start realizing that any sight seeing with the little kids is nearly impossible. The kids barely eat their lunch- and when we finally finish, JR starts complaining that he's tired and wants to go home and take a nap. Since when does JR ask for a nap?!? Then Charly starts complaining that her legs are tired, even though she rode in a bike trailer the whole time. By this time, Ryan is done trying to make it work. So after 2 hours in Lucca, we decide to walk back to the car and go home. So much for wandering the streets of this old city and seeing all the old buildings. Before we left,  I did make everyone stop to take a picture outside the walls, so we could remember this memorable trip. (insert sarcasm)

I very much wanted to post that picture on Instagram with some cute caption and witty hashtag about our fabulous family trip. I wanted to pretend that we had this wonderful experience touring Italy with the kids. But that would not be the whole truth. And I guess that is why I'm writing out this whole saga. It didn't seem right to post a 'perfect picture' representation of our day- I want to tell the whole story. And I'm not saying we didn't have fun. Kate and Clark really enjoyed riding the bikes and JR and Charly loved riding in the bike trailer and telling Ryan to ride faster and beat everyone. Ryan and I had some good discussions with Kate and Clark about the purpose of building walls of protection. We talked about Captain Moroni in the Book of Mormon and how he built walls to protect his people and how we build spiritual walls and put on the Armor of God to protect our spirits.

But it did not end up being this glamorous trip that I had built up in my mind. We spent a whole lot of money to ride bikes for an hour, and then sit in our VRBO while the kids drank hot chocolate and watched a movie on the iPad. Not to mention sleeping in a freezing apartment while the littles took turns waking up all night.

I guess I am realizing that we don't have to go anywhere to have the same experiences we can have at home. For years we never had the money to go on vacations. We went to my parents cabin for vacations because that was all we could afford. And during those years I have watched friends take their kids to the beach, Disneyland and all kinds of places all over the world - totally jealous of their vacations. And felt that I was missing out. That we were somehow deprived because we didn't go on fancy vacations. So when we moved to Italy, I guess I felt like it was my turn. My turn to go fancy places. My turn to take my kids to go and see the world. But the expensive lesson I have learned is that we are not extravagant vacationers. And I'm finally ok with it. I've learned that spending lots of money and going to fancy places is not what kids want- it's what I want. Building memories with the kids comes from simple time together. Whether that is at home or somewhere else. Going to the cabin is good enough.  At least the kids can play, Ryan and I can relax and I don't have to stress that we just spent $80 on a lunch that no one enjoyed. I no longer need to be jealous, because that is no longer what I want.

I do have to add that on our way home from Lucca we stopped in Pisa to see the leaning tower and it was awesome! We parked, walked to the tower- walked around the Piazza and other buildings there, took some pictures, stopped by the pastecierria (pastry shop), got a snack for the kids and were on our way.  It was a perfect way to end our trip- we got to see something super cool and it only took an hour.


Don't get me wrong, I feel very blessed to live here and have this experience. And yes, we get to go and do some very cool things. But I guess I just wanted to share this lesson that I have learned. One, I need to let go of this glamorous ideal of taking kids on vacations around Italy. We have LITTLE kids, and some things are just not possible with a 3 and 4 year old. Two, I need stop comparing myself to everyone else's "perfect" life. And three, I am ok that we are simple people who do simple things with our kids. We go to the park and a trip to the beach in the summer and we are good! That's what we are good at, whats comfortable, and what makes us happy.

 

I Believe In Miracles

It has been a long time since I have posted on the blog, half because I didn't feel like there was anything noteworthy to talk about, and the other half - well, if I didn't write about it, maybe the time would go by faster, or this little hiccup in the road would go by unnoticed.

We have been back in Arizona almost three months. The kids had a great summer of swimming, cousins, grandmas and grandpas, cabin trips and all their favorite American things - Chic Fil-A, dill pickles, cold cereal, cub scouts, Netflix and riding in the back seat of a full sized suburban instead of a Fiat Freemont.

 Kate and Clark started school at Franklin at Brimhall (they attended there in Kindergarten. I couldn't get them back into Great Hearts because they were 126 and 127 on the waiting list!) in August and have been really happy there. They have rekindled old friendships and made new ones. Charly started preschool three days a week and is upset if she doesn't get to play at a friends house every day. She is loving all the back to school shopping we have done, and, I'm learning is quite the little diva when it comes to clothes. JR is approaching his third birthday, and as such, has taken a new level of independence, disobedience, and stubbornness along with his increased ability to reason and argue. (He really does take after his name sake - my Dad, and his best friend- Paco) In the same breath he is witty, loving, and still likes to snuggle with me. We've tried potty training, but to no avail. It will be on his own time- not mine.

Life really has gone on as normal. Ryan has been traveling back and forth to Rome and each trip I pack his two suitcases full of stuff I cannot buy in Rome. To give you an idea of what I send, here's a list : kids medicines, zyrtec-D, fishy crackers, fruit snacks, protein bars, coconut oil, peanut butter, Mexican vanilla, kayro syrup, dough enhancer, school supplies, cake decorating sprinkles, canned pumpkin, green chilies, corn tortillas, milk chocolate chips and a few fall decorations. (no Halloween or Thanksgiving in Italy)

When we first moved back, we worked diligently to get all of Ryan's paperwork for a new visa together. He submitted his paperwork to the Italian consulate on August 20th. Once it was submitted, we had to wait for approval or denial. We were told that once we received his visa, he would then need apply for an Italian Residency Card. As soon as he had that residency card, the kids and I could go back. Here's the catch- it could take at least a month to get the visa, then another 2-6 months to get the residency card. That is a hard pill to swallow. Back in Arizona until January or longer? I couldn't go there mentally. I could not believe that we would be separated, and living in a temporary situation for that long. I knew that if there ever was a time for a miracle, now would be it. I knew that God could make the process quicker than that. I believe the scripture that says "for with God, nothing is impossible". I believe that God can perform miracles in our life, but we have to ask in faith, believing that we will receive it. I believed that God could work this miracle for us and figured that the more prayers and faith that accompanied mine- the better.

Ryan and I decided to have a family/friends fast the first Sunday of September. We asked our families to fast and pray that we would get his visa and the residency card in record time- so we could be reunited in Italy as soon as possible. The whole 24 hours I fasted, I felt at peace. I knew that it would work out- whatever that meant. I really wanted us to all be back in Italy before the end of October and asked specifically for that. Ryan said I was optimistic, but maybe not realistic. I knew that even if it didn't happen in the time frame that I wanted- whatever did happen would be what was best for all of us.

Wait some more.

 I will be honest- I am not a good single parent, nor am I a super independent person. I very much like having Ryan around, and am a better person and mom when he's home. Having him gone for three weeks at a time is hard, but I have felt a strength I know is not my own. I know many people have prayed for me- and I have felt the strength of their prayers. It is hard for me to be alone, and it has been a challenge for Ryan and I to stay close while he is in Italy and we are on completely opposite schedules.

Right around the same time as our fast, Ryan started working with a new immigration lawyer- one who does immigration for some of the top Fortune 500 companies in the US. Basically he knows what he's doing. He went through all of Ryan's paperwork and said that every thing looked in order, but that the type of visa we were applying for is THE most difficult to get, and nearly impossible. Well, it's a good thing that with God nothing is impossible. He also said that once we had the visa, we did not have to wait for the residency card. That was huge! We didn't have to wait another 2-6 months after getting his visa. I started to feel hope.  So I started praying more earnestly. I asked the kids to pray for 'Daddy's visa' at every single prayer.
And we did.

 After a long three weeks, Ryan came home Saturday September 12 for a short 9 days. I'm so glad when Daddy comes home! Just having him in the house made a big difference. He doesn't have to work while he is here- so we got to spend our days together going to the temple, working out at the gym, running errands and l got a break from chauffeuring kids around myself. We wanted to make the most of his time here and decided to take the kids to my parents cabin for a long weekend , leaving Thursday after school. We spent the time fishing, hiking (ok, more like walking in the woods), playing frisbee, taking naps and watching all three of the original Star Wars movies. It was a great weekend. It felt so good to have our little family together with no added stress of work, or everyday living.

Ryan and I had the "what if " discussion about his visa multiple times. What if we got it tomorrow? What if it didn't come at all? What if it got denied? What if it came in another month? We came to the conclusion that November 15th was our point of no return. After that date it made more sense to stay in Arizona until January. Let the kids finish the semester of school, stay for Christmas and then go back. We could technically go back the first week of October, but if we didn't get the visa and had to go a different avenue to get one- we'd run the risk of having to come back after 90 days again. So November 15th was the deadline, except that really meant October 15th was the deadline. In order to get 6 seats together on flights to Rome- you're booking at least a month out. No drop and go flights for us.

After having these little chats - it was hard for me to keep my optimism. I know Ryan was just trying to prepare me for the reality that it could be longer than what I had been praying for. I knew that- I just didn't want to think about it or accept it. Now it was looking at me straight in the face and I had to. A few times over the weekend I thought about how much I loved having all of us together and how it felt right and complete. I just wanted limbo land to be over. But I knew that there was a very real chance that I had a few more months of it. I felt like I was being selfish in asking God to fix this situation. I should just accept it. So many women have husbands gone more than I do, or don't have a husband at all - I have no reason to think it's so hard.

 With all of these thoughts on my mind - we went to church Sunday morning. There is a little branch of the LDS church in Christopher Creek, and that is where we went to worship. At one point in the service, the choir sang a song that spoke to me directly. I truly felt as if the words were from God to me. The hymn was "How Firm A Foundation" and these are the words that spoke peace to my heart:

In every condition, in sickness in health, 

In poverty's vale or abounding in wealth, 

At home or abroad, on the land or the sea-

 As thy days may demand, so thy succor shall be. 

 Fear not I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed, 

For I am thy God and will still give thee aid, 

I'll strengthen thee, help thee and cause thee to stand, 

Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand. 

When through the deep waters I call thee to go, 

The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o'erflow, 

For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless, 

And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress. 

The soul that on Jesus hath leaned for repose, 

I will not, I cannot, desert to his foes, 

That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake, 

I'll never, no never, no never forsake. 

There was my answer. Even if it did take another 3 months to get Ryan's visa, as long as I trusted God - I would be ok. I knew it was ALL in His hands. If He wanted us to get the visa now, we would. If He had reasons for us to wait longer, that's what would happen. All I had to do was trust in Him and follow Jesus Christ- and if I did that, I would not be alone. I would have His strength to help me get through it. It was so simple, yet powerfully comforting. And so, I let go. Let go of the worry, expectations, and fear of three more months of limbo.

All good things come to an end, and Monday morning Ryan left at 4am to get to the airport for his trip back to Italy. He first had a flight to Salt Lake City, then on to Atlanta then Rome. Right after his flight left Salt Lake for Atlanta, I got a phone call from Ariane Woods. (She lives in Rome- her husband Bret works at the temple with Ryan) She was trying to find a phone number to get a hold of me - as her husband Bret needed to talk to me. I was hopeful that was good news, but realized it was probably some information Bret needed that he couldn't get from Ryan because he was mid-flight. A few minutes later Bret called to tell me,

 RYAN GOT HIS VISA!!!

I was floored. I couldn't believe it. But yes, I could believe it. Our miracle happened. We got the visa exactly one month from the time we turned it in. Unheard of. This is an answer to many prayers. This is a tender mercy. This is a moment when you know that God loves you and wants you to be happy. He wants to give you what you want and ask for. Now our prayers have turned from asking for 'Daddy's visa' to thanking Heavenly Father for hearing and answering our prayers. I feel so blessed. I feel so spoiled. I cannot express my gratitude for my Heavenly Father and all the blessings I have received at His hand throughout my life.

So where does that leave us now? As soon as I hung up the phone with Bret I started looking at flights. The earliest flight with six seats together all the way to Rome is October 19th. Over the last two days Ryan has confirmed with the lawyer that the kids and I can come back without the residency card and today we booked our flights for Monday October 19th.

 It is bitter sweet going back to Italy. Arizona is where my friends and family are, but Rome is home. There are things I will miss about the U.S. , but I know Rome is where we are supposed to be. Having to say goodbye twice is, well, not cool- so I'm just not going to do it.

Ciao tutti!

I Choose Sunshine

Over the last few weeks I have had cause to reflect on my attitude about my circumstances and life in general. It seems that I have spent too much energy focusing on the hard, dramatic and negative events in my life. I do not consider myself a pessimist, but it seems that my honesty about my frustrations has led me to focus on them. In talking to my amazing friends about this, they shared this quote with me from President Gordon B. Hinkley, " Stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life, we accentuate the positive" This quote has sunk deep into my heart. We all have our fair share of storms, and in my attempt to document my life in Italy, I'm afraid I may have been seeking the storms. It is easy to write about the storms, and over the last few months, it seems like there have been quite a few. But there has also been sunshine. Lots of it. I want to be an optimist. I don't want everything I say and write about to be negative. I want to see all the good things that happen, and the positive effects from those hard, frustrating things that happen. Don't worry - I will still be honest. I will still tell it like it is, but I want to make sure that I document not only the hard, but the happy. After returning to the U.S. I have realized how much I love living in Italy. It is home. I would not trade my experience living there for anything. In fact, I felt it was all I could talk about with my friends and family. I love the things I have learned. I have enjoyed seeing a different culture and embracing it. The way I see it - moving to Italy has been like the first year of marriage. We all know it takes a while to find a balance in our marriage - each person brings to marriage their own ideas of how things are 'supposed to be. Some things that are the 'right way' to us, are the wrong way to our spouse. We have to give and take. We see that maybe there is a better way of doing things. Maybe our spouses' perspective is be better than ours. But all of this takes time. There can be lots of frustration as we learn how adjust. But in the end, the 'my way' turns into 'our' way. And so it is with me and Italy. I have definitely experienced a learning curve for living in Italy. At first, there were so many things that were different and hard. But as I have learned, it has become easier - and things that were so different - are now normal. I have had to learn to adjust, to change, and , lets be honest- change is hard! And I have had no reservations in telling you all about it! So I have decided, that for me, I want to more fully enjoy the sunlight. I want to enjoy the Sunday afternoons playing Monopoly Jr. with the kids. I want to focus on the fact that I know I have made friendships that will last a lifetime. I have learned that having less is really having more. I love the things that my children are learning from all this. I love that my relationship with my husband and my Heavenly Father have been strengthened. I love that we are closer as a family than we ever have been and that Ryan and I are learning to be better parents. And I love Italy. I love the crazy way they drive. I love the beautiful green countryside. I love that we get weird looks when we ask for ice at restaurants. I love the rows and rows of 'biscotti' (cookies) at the grocery store. And probably most of all - I love the produce, especially the tomatoes. There are still things that I love more about the U.S. and the way things are there, but I can appreciate the differences. I will forever love and miss Texas Roadhouse, corn tortilllas, garbage disposals, on-line bill pay, natural peanut butter and York peppermint patties. But for now, I am seeking the sunshine. I am choosing to see the good and focus on it.

Murphy's Law

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Yep. They are sending us back to the U.S. because Ryan still doesn't have a visa. I'll try to explain. But how? I have so many thoughts and feelings right now. First I need to explain how a visa works. When you visit Europe, you are allowed to stay for 90 days with just a passport - its called a tourist visa. Anything over that, you have to have a visa to legally live in that country. There are all different kinds of visas, work visas, missionary visas, family visas, ect. Within each category, there are more detailed kinds of visas. The type of visa we are trying to get is a professional visa for Ryan, then the rest of us will fall under his as a family reunion visa. Because Ryan is an independent contractor and he doesn't work for a company (ie, the church or the architect) this type of 'professional' visa is different from the other guys working here. Now, there are other guys working here as independent contractors, but I guess something has changed and we are not going through the same steps as they did. The way this works is, the first thing need is called a "nola osta" which is basically a certified document from the Italian government allowing you to start the process of applying for a visa. When we first came to Rome back in February, we met with lawyers so they could apply for Ryan's 'nola osta'. We got Ryan's nola osta the week before we moved to Rome and he took that plus a bunch of other documents to the Italian consulate in Los Angeles the day before we moved. You have to appear at an Italian consulate in the U.S. to turn in and sign your paperwork in person. We thought that once we did that, we could complete the process here in Italy. Obviously, that has not worked out. Next I need to explain something about Italian culture. There is no logical, organized way of doing ANYTHING. Its just the way it is. Look at the way they build their roads and it'll give you a clue as to how everything else is done. The government changes so frequently, that no one really knows what the right process to do anything is. And, its my opinion, that because of their socialistic government, there is no work ethic. Why work hard when you can get paid to do absolutely nothing? There is no motivation to work up the professional ladder, because if you make more money - the government takes more in taxes - so you actually make less money if you get a raise. Socialism is bad. It takes away competition, growth and ingenuity. So what does this mean in the visa process? It is impossible to talk to someone who knows what steps you need to take, and worse, someone that has any desire to help you. Just to give you an idea - NOT ONE of the americans on the temple job have received a visa in less than 8 months. Where does that leave us? Over the 3 months we've lived here, we've tried to figure out what steps we needed to take to finish the process. We get different answers every where we turn. We heard back from the consulate in LA telling us that the papers Ryan gave them were incomplete. We do all we can to get these new documents they've asked for. Then we found out that we needed to apply for a different visa than we originally applied for. For the last three weeks, Ryan has met with lawyers, had countless meetings, made countless phone calls to the Italian consulate in LA and fasted and prayed for direction. We knew our 90 days in Italy was coming, so we tried to figure out exactly what documents we needed, and went through all the different scenarios of how to get around our 'illegal immigrant' status. They explored the option of either the church or the general contractor hiring Ryan as an employee in hopes that they could push it through faster, but that creates more problems than it solves. We knew Ryan would have to appear before the LA consulate with the new paperwork we needed, and we talked about Ryan traveling back and forth to the U.S. on his own to finish the process. The plan was that the kids and I would stay in Rome, because if we left the country, we could not get back in. Once you hit 90 days, you have to be out of Europe for 90 days to 'reset' your 90 days. Naturally, I did not want to leave. Last week Ryan came home from work everyday with new information about getting his visa. Some magic new paper he needed. Some new idea they had to get his visa pushed through quicker. New direction from the lawyers. On Friday afternoon, Pattee Fenn graciously invited my kids to her house so I could run some errands on my own. After I was done shopping, I stopped by the job-site to pick up Ryan from work. Before I go into what happened next, I have to say that as I ran my errands that day, I had the thought , "wow, this feels totally normal. I have adjusted to Rome and feel at home here now." When I walked into Ryan's office, the mood was somber. Stephano, Bret and Jim were different. Ryan was on the phone, so I walked over to his desk and saw that he had Delta airlines open on his web-browser. I saw that the flight he was looking at was for Saturday July 4th. I thought, oh good, they figured out what Ryan needs and he's going to LA to go to the consulate. And dang, I'm sad he'll be gone on the 4th, I really wanted to celebrate with the other american families. After a minute, I see that there is more than the one ticket for Ryan. Then Bret says, " do you want me to break the bad news to your wife?" and Stephano says, "I'm so sorry Jen." It takes me a second to figure out what is going on and what they are talking about. Oh, no. Those flights are for all of us. No return trip. If we leave Italy, we cannot come back. Stephano sees the look on my face and starts to explain to me that they met with the lawyers that day and they advised them to get us out of the country as soon as possible. Since we were passed our 90 days, we needed to get out, so that there were no legal hiccups for the visa. They did not want to jeopardize Ryan's ability to get his visa, and all of us live here permanently. Then he explained that we needed to be out of the country for 90 days in order to 'reset' our tourist visa. Wait. What?! I have to leave for 3 months? But thats as long as I've lived in Rome. What about the kids? Their school? Where do we live? What do we do? Needless to say, I just broke down in tears right there in the office. I can't leave! We just got here. I just figured everything out. I finally felt like we were getting into the groove of life. And now I have to leave and rebuild 'home' again. It was like someone pulled the rug out from under my feet and I fell flat on my back. My heart just hurt. I don't want to leave. Rome is my home. I've worked so hard the last 3 months to make this my home and now I have to leave it? UGH. I was angry. I wanted to blame someone. Why didn't this person do something sooner? Why didn't the lawyer know about this before? Why didn't someone help us? WHY??? In reality, there is no one to blame. It is what it is. Then I was in shock and disbelief. This had to be a mistake. They were going to change their minds again and we'd be staying. There has to be a way around this. There is a loop hole somewhere we can slip through. Then complete sadness and depression. I just cried that whole night. After we picked up kids, got dinner and put everyone to bed, I just cried. And the feelings of why start creeping in. Why us? Why did everyone else working on the temple get help? Why are we the only ones going home? What did I do wrong? Why were our prayers not answered the way we wanted? Saturday was a daze. I couldn't get myself to do much. Basic household chores and duties. I felt paralyzed by the sadness. Overwhelmed by the task that lay ahead. I have to get everything ready for us to go back to the U.S. in one week? Where do I even start? Sunday was hard too. I didn't want to have faith that it would all be ok. I wanted to wallow in my pain. We had planned on going to Lucca, Pisa and Sienna because it was a 3 day weekend, but I got asked to speak in church so we stayed. Its a good thing I wrote my talk before I got the bad news, so all I had to do was read it. Sunday afternoon I tried to take a nap because I was so emotionally exhausted, but lay in bed restless. More tears. Monday was a holiday, so I wanted to do something together as a family - take advantage of our last few minutes in Rome. Stephano wanted to get his family and our family together, so we decided to go to Tivoli (a city about 30 minutes out of Rome with some pretty amazing natural parks) After driving around the city for an hour trying to find a parking spot, we gather all our gear for lunch and head out to Villa D'este. It was closed. Fantastic. We found a bench in the town square by some fountains, ate our lunch with Stephano and his family, then went home. Family Outing Fail. Oh well, I spent the rest of the day doing laundry and started making a mental list of everything I had to do to get ready. Tuesday, Cory Alley and her kids were kind enough to come over and take the kids swimming so I could go do all my last minute shopping and errands. This time it was different. I felt different. Driving around Rome, going to the fruit market and the mall - was different. It didn't feel like home, because now I have no home. It was almost like I lost all motivation to try to make it my home. As I drove back home, my heart was heavy. Sad. I had been praying for the last three days to have peace. I knew the Lord was in charge. I know He has a plan. I trust completely in Him. I just wanted to feel it. I really like living in Rome and didn't want it to end. I felt hopeless. As I pondered and prayed in my heart, I told God that I completely trust Him and I will go and do whatever He asks, because I know that His plan is far better than mine. I also had the thought, what if you never come back? What if this is a deal breaker? I started to cry just thinking that, but I said in my heart, "If that's what You want, ok." When Ryan and I finally had time to chat that night, he explained to me the process we have to go through to get the visa. Here it goes. The lawyers applied for some new document through the Chamber of Commerce and the Labor Department, which we need for the visa application. Ryan also needs a new 'nola osta', which they will be applying for in the next week. Once we get the new nola osta,(could take 10-30 days) Ryan can make an appointment with the Italian Consulate in LA. He will then take all this new documentation to the consulate and IF they approve it, they will issue him a visa. He should get the visa within 15 days. Once he has the visa, he will come back to Italy and apply for an Italian Residency Card. That could take 30 days. Once he has the visa and the Italian Residency Card, and we have been gone for 90 days, we can all come back and apply for a family reunion visa. We have to go to the post office within 8 days of arriving in the country with a valid 'tourist visa' and all of Ryan's documentation and then we will be legal. Whew. That night Ryan told me to plan on being gone for 6 months. Like I said, everything in Italy takes forever. Six months is realistic. More tears. Wednesday I decided it was time to get over myself, quit wallowing in my pain, find hope and seek for peace. As I worked around the house, I listened to conference talks. I searched for talks about hope, peace and of course, anything by Elder Dieter F. Uchdorf. You cannot listen to him speak and not feel better afterward. As I listened, the words from Joseph B. Wirthlin, kept coming to me. "Come what may and love it". I needed to love this situation. I needed to accept it, look for the positives and fight back. If this was just another way satan is trying to keep this temple from being built - then I was going to make sure he was not going to win against us. As silly as this sounds, I thought about the movie Finding Nemo. At the end of the movie, they get caught in a fisherman's net, and Nemo and Dori get all the fish to swim down, against the rising net. With all the fish swimming down, they reversed the direction of the net, eventually broke it, and were freed. With that image in my mind, I felt that all we need is the faith, fasting and prayers of those around us, and with all of us pushing against this opposition, we can break free. No more tears. Faith. Trust. Optimism. Thursday and Friday was laundry, cleaning, packing. Then more laundry, cleaning and packing. For living in a little apartment, it sure took a long time to clean! In fact, Friday, Ariane Woods took the kids for me, and when Ryan and I finished, Ryan turned to me and said, "So this is what our house would look like if we didn't have kids." Ha. You may be thinking, what did you pack for 3 months? Clothes, shoes, swim suits, a few books, my recipes and the kids each brought a few things. That's it. I didn't even bring toiletries, just my travel size stuff. I'll go to walmart and buy new body wash, toothpaste, deodorant, mouthwash ect. I'll go to the beauty supply and buy more shampoo and conditioner, hairspray and styling products. I'd rather leave what I have in Italy, since I can't buy some of those things there. We are renting a VRBO (vacation rental by owner) in north Gilbert, so i will be living in a furnished home. I refuse to buy anything. I just finished furnishing my apartment in Rome, I'm not doing that again. We will make do or do without. We'll eat very basic meals. I'm not 'moving in'. I can't do it mentally - I can't go there. It's temporary. i'm still working out what to do for school. Their school in Rome doesn't resume until September 8th, but they can't wait until October to start school. Thats just too long. I tried to apply for Archway Arete, but this late in the game, they are 126 and 127 on the waiting list. That's not going to happen. My latest thought is to send them back to Franklin at Brimhall until we come back in October. I'm not worried about starting them on time either. They just barely got out of school, so if we don't enroll them in school until mid August, no biggie. They just need to do something until we get back. They'll be so bored when all their friends and cousins go back to school. As for Ryan, he comes back to Rome July 18th and will be there until August 7th. The jobsite closes for 2 weeks in August (August is vacation month in Italy - no one works in August) He'll be home for the rest of August, and go back the first of September. We're kinda thinking he'll work most or all of September and then come back the first part of October, and with a miracle, we'll be ready to go, as our 90 days is October 4th. That doesn't sound to bad when you lay it out like that. It'll be over before you know it. Just enough time for me to get my fill of Mexican food. It's going to work out. I know it. We can do hard things. Keep us in your prayers and together, we can see a miracle. I believe in miracles - you just have to ask. We are going to get this visa in record time. " Ask and ye shall receive; knock and it shall be opened unto you; for he that asketh, receiveth; and unto him that knocketh, it shall be opened." In the mean time, the kids get to play with cousins, see Nana, Paco and Grandma, Grandpa. I get to go shopping at Walmart and Costco. And Ryan gets to drink a 44oz Dr.Pepper from a foam cup.

I Am Not A Tourist

Do I speak english? Yep. Do I look American? Probably. But am I a tourist? No. So don't treat me like one. I've realized over the last three months that I really don't like being treated differently because I am a foreigner. ( I am much more empathetic to those who live in the U.S. as foreign citizens ) We've had a few experiences that have really hurt my feelings - where people have been rude to us or taken advantage of us because we are American. Granted we were in touristy areas - so we do look like tourists - but it's still frustrating. The first time it happened is when Ryan took me out for my birthday dinner. He was starting to get sick, but wanted to take me out even though he wasn't feeling good. We went downtown and after walking around for an hour or so, we ended up at the Pantheon. He was getting tired and we were both getting hungry, so we got suckered into stopping at one of the restaurants right in the piazza of the Pantheon. While it was cool to eat dinner while looking at the Pantheon, the food was way over priced and not that good. Our waiter was a jerk. We tried really hard to use our italian, but he would only respond to us in english. When he brought out our bill, there was a gratuity added. Now in Italy, you don't tip waiters - they get paid a normal wage to do their job. So having it added on our bill was a bit out of the norm. Ryan wanted to pay by credit card, so our waiter brought out a handheld card reader. Before he ran the card, he told Ryan that if we put the tip on the credit card, he'd never get it. Ryan tells him to run his card for the amount before the gratuity and he'd tip him cash. The waiter agrees and runs the card, takes the cash and leaves. When we look at the receipt, he ran the card for the full amount - getting tipped twice. I was pissed. I was about ready to go find the guy and punch him in the face. That ruined the whole night for me. It was the first time I'd ever been treated poorly because I was American. Another time was, again, downtown but this time near the Vatican. We met up with our friend Michelle Wallace, who is a flight attendant for Delta, and was on a layover in Rome. At dinner we were bombarded by men trying to sell stuff - roses, selfie sticks, whatever. Our waiter there was also a jerk. He acted totally put out by helping us and annoyed anytime we talked to him - even though we spoke the whole time in Italian! I ordered a salad and usually they bring out a little tray with balsamic vinegar, olive oil, salt, pepper and sometimes parmesan cheese. All of the tables around us got one, except for us. All I have to say is - if you don't like Americans, then don't work at a restaurant in downtown by all the tourist attractions! Plus, tourism is what is keeping the economy alive here- so you'd think they'd be a bit kinder to those of us who are providing their living. Anyways. Later that night we wanted to catch a cab to take us back to our car. There are very few places to park in downtown - and we found a parking garage that is fairly close to everything. It took us about 25 minutes to walk from the parking garage to the Vatican. So by the time we're ready to head back, it's 11pm and we don't feel like walking the 25 minutes back to the car. We got a cab to take Michelle back to her hotel and then us to the parking garage. Now Michelle's hotel was only a few blocks from the Vatican, but the cabbie drove us over the river and back to get to her hotel. What should have been a 2 minute drive was about 10 minutes, and cost us $12. To give you a comparison, the night we ate at the Pantheon we took a cab back to the parking garage and it cost $7. Needless to say, when we got to the hotel, we got out of the cab. I was not about to let him take us the rest of the way to the garage. Ryan and I made the 20 minute trek back to the car at 11pm. Lovely. I know I should expect to be treated like a tourist in a touristy area, but in my defense - we have tried really hard to make Rome our home and fit in here. We are trying really hard to learn Italian and when we go out, we don't walk around with a map and a fanny pack. We try. Now I do have to say that for every time we have been treated badly, we have had someone reach out to us and be kind and helpful. Here's an example. Michelle was back in town and I took her and the kids to the mall (Porta di Roma) to meet Ryan for dinner. (The temple is right across the street from Porta di Roma). After dinner Michelle wanted to shop a bit, so Ryan was kind enough to trade cars, and take the kids home so I could stay with Michelle and then take her back to her hotel. After we were done at the mall, I had to stop at a gas station before heading to the hotel. In Italy, the gas stations are just gas pumps with an "ATM" in the middle where you pay CASH for gas. No store, no attendants, no credit card machines at the pump. We stop and I put my $20 in the machine and select the pump I was parked at. I was driving a little fiat punto (we borrowed from another guy who works at the temple but is back in the states for two weeks) and when I opened the gas tank, I could NOT get the lid off. After about 5 minutes I realized you had to put the key in it to get the cap off. Even after putting the key in, I could not get it to twist off. By the time I got it off and put the pump into the gas tank, it wouldn't work. It didn't register that I had put in my $20. There happened to be a young guy at the gas station watching Michelle and I struggle and asked if he could help. In my broken Italian, I tried to explain what happened, but to no avail. The machine just ate my money. I moved the Punto to another spot to try again and he motioned for me to give me another $20 so he could help us. I gave him the money so he could put it in the machine and then watched him get in his car. I thought - "oh crap! he's taking off with my money!" But no, he just moved his car out of the bay he was using so I could pull the Punto into it. He put my money in the machine and put the gas in the car. Wow. Thank you. Thank you for not making me feel even more stupid. He wasn't annoyed that I couldn't get it to work, or think, "stupid american". See - there are good, kind people everywhere. I do need to vent a little bit about living here. It is not a vacation. Somedays are really hard and I know from the outside looking in - it looks like I am living this romantic life in Italy. It is nothing like that. Sure, there are lots of cool things around us and there is something cool about living in a foreign country - but it is not easy. It's hard to take 4 little kids to go sight seeing. I find myself jealous of the other American families here who just have teenagers. They can pick up and go at a moments notice. They don't have to carry a cooler of snacks while walking around Ostia Antica because their kids get hungry 5 minutes into seeing the ancient ruins. They don't have to clean up throw-up in the back of the car because their twins loose their cookies 5 minutes from the beach. They don't have to take a stroller everywhere because they have to keep one child constrained so he doesn't destroy everything and the other because her four year old feet get tired after walking 20 steps. Its hard not having friends. Its hard not being able to participate in church. Its hard not being able to sing the hymns and listen to the sacrament in your own language. It's hard when you have three Italians in your home installing your A/C unit and they ask you a question and the only response you have is a blank stare. It's hard when you try to return clothes at the mall and have to have another customer in line explain to you in her broken english that they only do store credit, not cash refunds. It's hard when your 2 year old asks you every morning for Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast and you have to tell him it's all gone. It's hard when your 4 year old talks about being excited for the temple to be done so we can go back to 'Arizona and live at Nana's house'. I would be lying if I didn't admit that it's hard and somedays are a real struggle for me. Sure I post pictures on Instagram that make it look like we are having the time of our life and everything is peaches and cream. But I think we all do that. And not to say that we don't have good days, and that we arent having fun and learning and experiencing new things, but those are the highlights, not the day to day life. This is my home, and like i said, I am not a tourist. I don't live like one. I dont want to be one. I dont want to live here for two years as a tourist. I want Italy to become my home. I want the day we move back to the U.S. to be a hard one. If I'm going to live here, I want to BE here.