I Choose Sunshine

Over the last few weeks I have had cause to reflect on my attitude about my circumstances and life in general. It seems that I have spent too much energy focusing on the hard, dramatic and negative events in my life. I do not consider myself a pessimist, but it seems that my honesty about my frustrations has led me to focus on them. In talking to my amazing friends about this, they shared this quote with me from President Gordon B. Hinkley, " Stop seeking out the storms and enjoy more fully the sunlight. I am suggesting that as we go through life, we accentuate the positive" This quote has sunk deep into my heart. We all have our fair share of storms, and in my attempt to document my life in Italy, I'm afraid I may have been seeking the storms. It is easy to write about the storms, and over the last few months, it seems like there have been quite a few. But there has also been sunshine. Lots of it. I want to be an optimist. I don't want everything I say and write about to be negative. I want to see all the good things that happen, and the positive effects from those hard, frustrating things that happen. Don't worry - I will still be honest. I will still tell it like it is, but I want to make sure that I document not only the hard, but the happy. After returning to the U.S. I have realized how much I love living in Italy. It is home. I would not trade my experience living there for anything. In fact, I felt it was all I could talk about with my friends and family. I love the things I have learned. I have enjoyed seeing a different culture and embracing it. The way I see it - moving to Italy has been like the first year of marriage. We all know it takes a while to find a balance in our marriage - each person brings to marriage their own ideas of how things are 'supposed to be. Some things that are the 'right way' to us, are the wrong way to our spouse. We have to give and take. We see that maybe there is a better way of doing things. Maybe our spouses' perspective is be better than ours. But all of this takes time. There can be lots of frustration as we learn how adjust. But in the end, the 'my way' turns into 'our' way. And so it is with me and Italy. I have definitely experienced a learning curve for living in Italy. At first, there were so many things that were different and hard. But as I have learned, it has become easier - and things that were so different - are now normal. I have had to learn to adjust, to change, and , lets be honest- change is hard! And I have had no reservations in telling you all about it! So I have decided, that for me, I want to more fully enjoy the sunlight. I want to enjoy the Sunday afternoons playing Monopoly Jr. with the kids. I want to focus on the fact that I know I have made friendships that will last a lifetime. I have learned that having less is really having more. I love the things that my children are learning from all this. I love that my relationship with my husband and my Heavenly Father have been strengthened. I love that we are closer as a family than we ever have been and that Ryan and I are learning to be better parents. And I love Italy. I love the crazy way they drive. I love the beautiful green countryside. I love that we get weird looks when we ask for ice at restaurants. I love the rows and rows of 'biscotti' (cookies) at the grocery store. And probably most of all - I love the produce, especially the tomatoes. There are still things that I love more about the U.S. and the way things are there, but I can appreciate the differences. I will forever love and miss Texas Roadhouse, corn tortilllas, garbage disposals, on-line bill pay, natural peanut butter and York peppermint patties. But for now, I am seeking the sunshine. I am choosing to see the good and focus on it.

Murphy's Law

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Yep. They are sending us back to the U.S. because Ryan still doesn't have a visa. I'll try to explain. But how? I have so many thoughts and feelings right now. First I need to explain how a visa works. When you visit Europe, you are allowed to stay for 90 days with just a passport - its called a tourist visa. Anything over that, you have to have a visa to legally live in that country. There are all different kinds of visas, work visas, missionary visas, family visas, ect. Within each category, there are more detailed kinds of visas. The type of visa we are trying to get is a professional visa for Ryan, then the rest of us will fall under his as a family reunion visa. Because Ryan is an independent contractor and he doesn't work for a company (ie, the church or the architect) this type of 'professional' visa is different from the other guys working here. Now, there are other guys working here as independent contractors, but I guess something has changed and we are not going through the same steps as they did. The way this works is, the first thing need is called a "nola osta" which is basically a certified document from the Italian government allowing you to start the process of applying for a visa. When we first came to Rome back in February, we met with lawyers so they could apply for Ryan's 'nola osta'. We got Ryan's nola osta the week before we moved to Rome and he took that plus a bunch of other documents to the Italian consulate in Los Angeles the day before we moved. You have to appear at an Italian consulate in the U.S. to turn in and sign your paperwork in person. We thought that once we did that, we could complete the process here in Italy. Obviously, that has not worked out. Next I need to explain something about Italian culture. There is no logical, organized way of doing ANYTHING. Its just the way it is. Look at the way they build their roads and it'll give you a clue as to how everything else is done. The government changes so frequently, that no one really knows what the right process to do anything is. And, its my opinion, that because of their socialistic government, there is no work ethic. Why work hard when you can get paid to do absolutely nothing? There is no motivation to work up the professional ladder, because if you make more money - the government takes more in taxes - so you actually make less money if you get a raise. Socialism is bad. It takes away competition, growth and ingenuity. So what does this mean in the visa process? It is impossible to talk to someone who knows what steps you need to take, and worse, someone that has any desire to help you. Just to give you an idea - NOT ONE of the americans on the temple job have received a visa in less than 8 months. Where does that leave us? Over the 3 months we've lived here, we've tried to figure out what steps we needed to take to finish the process. We get different answers every where we turn. We heard back from the consulate in LA telling us that the papers Ryan gave them were incomplete. We do all we can to get these new documents they've asked for. Then we found out that we needed to apply for a different visa than we originally applied for. For the last three weeks, Ryan has met with lawyers, had countless meetings, made countless phone calls to the Italian consulate in LA and fasted and prayed for direction. We knew our 90 days in Italy was coming, so we tried to figure out exactly what documents we needed, and went through all the different scenarios of how to get around our 'illegal immigrant' status. They explored the option of either the church or the general contractor hiring Ryan as an employee in hopes that they could push it through faster, but that creates more problems than it solves. We knew Ryan would have to appear before the LA consulate with the new paperwork we needed, and we talked about Ryan traveling back and forth to the U.S. on his own to finish the process. The plan was that the kids and I would stay in Rome, because if we left the country, we could not get back in. Once you hit 90 days, you have to be out of Europe for 90 days to 'reset' your 90 days. Naturally, I did not want to leave. Last week Ryan came home from work everyday with new information about getting his visa. Some magic new paper he needed. Some new idea they had to get his visa pushed through quicker. New direction from the lawyers. On Friday afternoon, Pattee Fenn graciously invited my kids to her house so I could run some errands on my own. After I was done shopping, I stopped by the job-site to pick up Ryan from work. Before I go into what happened next, I have to say that as I ran my errands that day, I had the thought , "wow, this feels totally normal. I have adjusted to Rome and feel at home here now." When I walked into Ryan's office, the mood was somber. Stephano, Bret and Jim were different. Ryan was on the phone, so I walked over to his desk and saw that he had Delta airlines open on his web-browser. I saw that the flight he was looking at was for Saturday July 4th. I thought, oh good, they figured out what Ryan needs and he's going to LA to go to the consulate. And dang, I'm sad he'll be gone on the 4th, I really wanted to celebrate with the other american families. After a minute, I see that there is more than the one ticket for Ryan. Then Bret says, " do you want me to break the bad news to your wife?" and Stephano says, "I'm so sorry Jen." It takes me a second to figure out what is going on and what they are talking about. Oh, no. Those flights are for all of us. No return trip. If we leave Italy, we cannot come back. Stephano sees the look on my face and starts to explain to me that they met with the lawyers that day and they advised them to get us out of the country as soon as possible. Since we were passed our 90 days, we needed to get out, so that there were no legal hiccups for the visa. They did not want to jeopardize Ryan's ability to get his visa, and all of us live here permanently. Then he explained that we needed to be out of the country for 90 days in order to 'reset' our tourist visa. Wait. What?! I have to leave for 3 months? But thats as long as I've lived in Rome. What about the kids? Their school? Where do we live? What do we do? Needless to say, I just broke down in tears right there in the office. I can't leave! We just got here. I just figured everything out. I finally felt like we were getting into the groove of life. And now I have to leave and rebuild 'home' again. It was like someone pulled the rug out from under my feet and I fell flat on my back. My heart just hurt. I don't want to leave. Rome is my home. I've worked so hard the last 3 months to make this my home and now I have to leave it? UGH. I was angry. I wanted to blame someone. Why didn't this person do something sooner? Why didn't the lawyer know about this before? Why didn't someone help us? WHY??? In reality, there is no one to blame. It is what it is. Then I was in shock and disbelief. This had to be a mistake. They were going to change their minds again and we'd be staying. There has to be a way around this. There is a loop hole somewhere we can slip through. Then complete sadness and depression. I just cried that whole night. After we picked up kids, got dinner and put everyone to bed, I just cried. And the feelings of why start creeping in. Why us? Why did everyone else working on the temple get help? Why are we the only ones going home? What did I do wrong? Why were our prayers not answered the way we wanted? Saturday was a daze. I couldn't get myself to do much. Basic household chores and duties. I felt paralyzed by the sadness. Overwhelmed by the task that lay ahead. I have to get everything ready for us to go back to the U.S. in one week? Where do I even start? Sunday was hard too. I didn't want to have faith that it would all be ok. I wanted to wallow in my pain. We had planned on going to Lucca, Pisa and Sienna because it was a 3 day weekend, but I got asked to speak in church so we stayed. Its a good thing I wrote my talk before I got the bad news, so all I had to do was read it. Sunday afternoon I tried to take a nap because I was so emotionally exhausted, but lay in bed restless. More tears. Monday was a holiday, so I wanted to do something together as a family - take advantage of our last few minutes in Rome. Stephano wanted to get his family and our family together, so we decided to go to Tivoli (a city about 30 minutes out of Rome with some pretty amazing natural parks) After driving around the city for an hour trying to find a parking spot, we gather all our gear for lunch and head out to Villa D'este. It was closed. Fantastic. We found a bench in the town square by some fountains, ate our lunch with Stephano and his family, then went home. Family Outing Fail. Oh well, I spent the rest of the day doing laundry and started making a mental list of everything I had to do to get ready. Tuesday, Cory Alley and her kids were kind enough to come over and take the kids swimming so I could go do all my last minute shopping and errands. This time it was different. I felt different. Driving around Rome, going to the fruit market and the mall - was different. It didn't feel like home, because now I have no home. It was almost like I lost all motivation to try to make it my home. As I drove back home, my heart was heavy. Sad. I had been praying for the last three days to have peace. I knew the Lord was in charge. I know He has a plan. I trust completely in Him. I just wanted to feel it. I really like living in Rome and didn't want it to end. I felt hopeless. As I pondered and prayed in my heart, I told God that I completely trust Him and I will go and do whatever He asks, because I know that His plan is far better than mine. I also had the thought, what if you never come back? What if this is a deal breaker? I started to cry just thinking that, but I said in my heart, "If that's what You want, ok." When Ryan and I finally had time to chat that night, he explained to me the process we have to go through to get the visa. Here it goes. The lawyers applied for some new document through the Chamber of Commerce and the Labor Department, which we need for the visa application. Ryan also needs a new 'nola osta', which they will be applying for in the next week. Once we get the new nola osta,(could take 10-30 days) Ryan can make an appointment with the Italian Consulate in LA. He will then take all this new documentation to the consulate and IF they approve it, they will issue him a visa. He should get the visa within 15 days. Once he has the visa, he will come back to Italy and apply for an Italian Residency Card. That could take 30 days. Once he has the visa and the Italian Residency Card, and we have been gone for 90 days, we can all come back and apply for a family reunion visa. We have to go to the post office within 8 days of arriving in the country with a valid 'tourist visa' and all of Ryan's documentation and then we will be legal. Whew. That night Ryan told me to plan on being gone for 6 months. Like I said, everything in Italy takes forever. Six months is realistic. More tears. Wednesday I decided it was time to get over myself, quit wallowing in my pain, find hope and seek for peace. As I worked around the house, I listened to conference talks. I searched for talks about hope, peace and of course, anything by Elder Dieter F. Uchdorf. You cannot listen to him speak and not feel better afterward. As I listened, the words from Joseph B. Wirthlin, kept coming to me. "Come what may and love it". I needed to love this situation. I needed to accept it, look for the positives and fight back. If this was just another way satan is trying to keep this temple from being built - then I was going to make sure he was not going to win against us. As silly as this sounds, I thought about the movie Finding Nemo. At the end of the movie, they get caught in a fisherman's net, and Nemo and Dori get all the fish to swim down, against the rising net. With all the fish swimming down, they reversed the direction of the net, eventually broke it, and were freed. With that image in my mind, I felt that all we need is the faith, fasting and prayers of those around us, and with all of us pushing against this opposition, we can break free. No more tears. Faith. Trust. Optimism. Thursday and Friday was laundry, cleaning, packing. Then more laundry, cleaning and packing. For living in a little apartment, it sure took a long time to clean! In fact, Friday, Ariane Woods took the kids for me, and when Ryan and I finished, Ryan turned to me and said, "So this is what our house would look like if we didn't have kids." Ha. You may be thinking, what did you pack for 3 months? Clothes, shoes, swim suits, a few books, my recipes and the kids each brought a few things. That's it. I didn't even bring toiletries, just my travel size stuff. I'll go to walmart and buy new body wash, toothpaste, deodorant, mouthwash ect. I'll go to the beauty supply and buy more shampoo and conditioner, hairspray and styling products. I'd rather leave what I have in Italy, since I can't buy some of those things there. We are renting a VRBO (vacation rental by owner) in north Gilbert, so i will be living in a furnished home. I refuse to buy anything. I just finished furnishing my apartment in Rome, I'm not doing that again. We will make do or do without. We'll eat very basic meals. I'm not 'moving in'. I can't do it mentally - I can't go there. It's temporary. i'm still working out what to do for school. Their school in Rome doesn't resume until September 8th, but they can't wait until October to start school. Thats just too long. I tried to apply for Archway Arete, but this late in the game, they are 126 and 127 on the waiting list. That's not going to happen. My latest thought is to send them back to Franklin at Brimhall until we come back in October. I'm not worried about starting them on time either. They just barely got out of school, so if we don't enroll them in school until mid August, no biggie. They just need to do something until we get back. They'll be so bored when all their friends and cousins go back to school. As for Ryan, he comes back to Rome July 18th and will be there until August 7th. The jobsite closes for 2 weeks in August (August is vacation month in Italy - no one works in August) He'll be home for the rest of August, and go back the first of September. We're kinda thinking he'll work most or all of September and then come back the first part of October, and with a miracle, we'll be ready to go, as our 90 days is October 4th. That doesn't sound to bad when you lay it out like that. It'll be over before you know it. Just enough time for me to get my fill of Mexican food. It's going to work out. I know it. We can do hard things. Keep us in your prayers and together, we can see a miracle. I believe in miracles - you just have to ask. We are going to get this visa in record time. " Ask and ye shall receive; knock and it shall be opened unto you; for he that asketh, receiveth; and unto him that knocketh, it shall be opened." In the mean time, the kids get to play with cousins, see Nana, Paco and Grandma, Grandpa. I get to go shopping at Walmart and Costco. And Ryan gets to drink a 44oz Dr.Pepper from a foam cup.